My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
3 2 1 whiskey
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
