Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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