i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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