You're so nebulous sometimes
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
