I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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