shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
