This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
