this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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