mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
