Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
