I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize