my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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