PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
