just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize