he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
