her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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