my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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