I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
