Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
