is your mom at the bar?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
