i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
