Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
