i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
