I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my being single is dangerous.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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