I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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