i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
