I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
