I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
