he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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