There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
