i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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