I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
