final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
