I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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