dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
