i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
