Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize