My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm really busy with my period
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