Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
