sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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