Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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