Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
