y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Say something about gay babies.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
