is your mom at the bar?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
