Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
