I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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