I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize