like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize