Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize