She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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