I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
