So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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