You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
