i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
