her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
