i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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