3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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