Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
