So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
