Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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