Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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