the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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