she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my shit smells like andre
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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