Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
