nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Randomize
