dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
